The Truths My Heart Finally Believes At 32
So this is what it comes up to!
Turns out it can take you your whole life to finally love yourself.
It can take you turning 32 to finally sit comfortably within the walls of your own skin. It can take this long to finally be able to laugh out loud and not care a raindrop how far out your teeth hang. It can take turning round 32 sharp corners of constantly trading yourself to finally loving yourself. And finally wanting what you’ve got –-- you.
And yea, you know maybe it takes you disapproving yourself long enough to finally find that you are approved by amazing grace. Maybe it takes you feeling the thorn deep in your side for you to lean deeper into the Cross. Or maybe it takes you feeling uninvited even in your own skin to find that you're wrapped up in His. Maybe this is the broken road that leads you to finally believe that God is for you.
Those 4 words – God is for you. They escape my lips and fingertips like a dance of freedom tonight.
I could scream them, because I haven’t always believed them.
I could dance up a storm, because I haven’t always believed: God is for me.
I haven’t always believed that: He won’t forsake me.
I have said them to myself. I have whispered them to my shattered heart many-a-cold-mornings. I have even written them on nights I could barely speak through tears. But my heart has never soaked them like today. This season. Today.
Finally, I say and believe: God is for me. He is on my side.
God is on my side. He is for me.
And I wonder maybe it’s that I haven’t always really believed Him to be friend. Maybe I haven’t always understood that He is not the enemy.
That He chases me to keep company with me. That He is always in my corner. Always on my side.
That He delights Himself in being good to me. That He is for me.
– this is never unsticking from my soul.
Because with those words; with this truth sticking to our souls, we could start a real revival. We could turn the world on its head and have the enemy fleeing our paths. We could walk hard roads; bear slaying, brokenness and still stand victorious in His Name.
With this truth we are victorious.
With this truth we could really be His witness. We could look the enemy in the face and say: “Though He slay me, I will trust Him.”
Maybe this is what Job finally understood: that God is for Him. That all will pass away but God will remain. On his side.
Yes – this is always the invitation to abide and remain in Him. Stable and unmoved.
And maybe this is where I have found and now finally believe that: I am enough.
Oh, I am really enough –
You can live your entire life and you may never ever believe that.
You can live every day always wanting more – believing that someone else is better than you. Someone else has it better than you. Wanting what is not yours.
I tell you this – I have always believed that the next person in the room is better than me. That her presence has taken away from mine. Because here is the hard thing: our minds can become sharp yardsticks that pierce our souls deep.
…oh finally – no one is better than me.
But this truth I can only always believe when it is only His voice I listen to.
This is the secret to always believing that you’re enough: silence the voice of the liar, by hearing the Word of your Savior.
This is the thing. In fact this is the One Thing.
I am writing this upon my heart and my life:
God is for me. He is always on my side.
He tells me I am enough. I believe I am enough. No one is better than me. I am better than no one.
I am enough. Just as I am. I abide in Him – and He in me. That is all I will ever need.
And the light is turned on – and darkness comprehended it not.