breaking chains, with grace upon grace: because what good is free if it’s not free indeed.

When this girl turned a quiet 33, just one week ago, she turned a corner. She finally accepted the gift of surrender – the invitation to stop wrestling and give in. Give in to all the things that I am and look past all the things that I am not. Be okay with it all. Finally. Because why is it that we answer with our whole lives to what the world labels: weak, not-enough, can’t do-nothing-right, don’t-compare-to, good-for-nothing, giver-upper? Why do we live shackled by these labels? Barely living free. How have I spent so long looking at all the things that I don’t have in my hands and missed the beauty in all the things that I have been given. In the seen and unseen ways that I have been graced, for who I am and who I am to be. Because to all my questioning and waiting for Him to take away the things that easily beset me; His answer has always been: No. Because He is the God who is most attracted to my weak places.  

And meets me there with amazing grace.

So have I been missing the real story?

Have I not heard and seen how He overshadows the weak to do strong and brave things? That all things are done in spite of us. Have I missed how He is especially wooed by dead things? Failing things. Failed things. In fact, how He waits for the death of most places and things in our lives before He comes in. How He waits for us to come to the end of ourselves; throw our hands up in surrender and that’s when He runs in. Right where I run out. Have we been missing the beauty in the stories He’s written in the Bible of all our heroes and heroines with whom we share a bloodline? How they all did brave things with a limp. In spite of it. Have we been missing the real story? The real beauty that lies in the broken places we want to tuck away, trade away and put to death.

Yea, what good is free if it’s not free indeed? Because it is for freedom, that we were set free. (Galatians 5:1)

So could it be that I am free in spite of my weaknesses? Not free when I am free of them. But strengthened because of my weaknesses. Brave because of my weaknesses. Enough because of my weaknesses. Loved, wanted, needed? Just as I am. Just like that. Even with all of my mess. Even with the many things I fail at. The many things that overwhelm me. That make me want to quit it all because I believe I could never do it right.

But look how He calls us free. Sets us free. To be brave. To be strong and to do what the brave do.

The brave stop wanting what they don’t have, and give the world what they do have.

And that’s what He’s been saying all along: You are enough. And if you believe it long enough you will overflow.

Indeed. Free indeed.

So, in this corner of brave, I’ll let myself break. And let Him remake how He chooses. Or not.

It’s okay. Now it's okay.