To the Girl, Who’s Been Told To: “Put Herself Out There…”

Dear Girl,


Yea, I believed it too.  


I also bought the lie that: to find Boaz, you have to be outgoing. If it’s tarrying, you may have to go outside of your personality to find him. Because yea, sitting there in the corner, waiting, can be un-cool.


Well I tried it too and here’s what I found: you cannot go outside of yourself to find the person that will love you for yourself. You cannot tuck away the way you’ve been wired to connect with “your one”; to connect with the real deal. You will always find your tribe, your man; within the wiring of your heart.


Yes I know that one too:  what’s being sold to us in the movies. It’s the cool girl that gets the cool guy, and the un-cool girl could attract the cool guy but he would eventually make her cool.


Well here’s the thing about being cool: cool doesn’t guarantee you connection. Cool doesn’t guarantee you love. You can search and wait for cool, but that love could cool off as fast as it fired up.


Me? I’ve never been cool. Maybe I can crack a few jokes, but I’ve never been the life of the party. I’ve always been drawn to crawl and hide in the small and the quiet. And yea, I suppose that’s what teens and early 20s would call boring.


But girl, I have somehow “bored” my way through to here. I’ve walked through the tension between being me (just as I am) and stepping out of comfort zones. Because how do you really know if you’re simply staying true to who you are or you’re just drawn to what is comfortable?


Well here’s what my love and life story has taught me: you never really know, you just have to keep saying, “yes” to Him. Because with Him: it nails your flesh and feeds your spirit.


If Boaz is too cool for you; too exciting; too many butterflies, you just might overly adore him over Christ. But when he’s broken and unafraid to be vulnerable with his weaknesses, you know this will point you to the feet of the cross – nail your flesh, build your spirit and feed your soul.


See, I’ve always known Mr Steady. We’ve been in each other’s lives almost forever. Attended the same secondary (high) school, grew up in the same neighborhood, so I’ve always seen him and he’s always seen me, but not the way God will eventually cause us to be seen.


He was just as “un-cool” as I was. But I had bought the lie that my love story would look/feel a certain way. So I didn’t see him. He was just a friend.


The enemy can help you build up expectations that God never had in mind for you. He can puff you up and paint his own picture for you. But be careful, because if you’re hurried, it can blind you, and keep you from seeing that which is in front of you. Or keep you from waiting for the greater that is coming.


And you can feel that, with this “friend”, there seems to be no ‘spark’, but girl; let God’s word be a lamp onto your feet and cause your eyes to be open to what He’s written for you.


When I first read these words by Maya Angelou: “a woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her”; I grabbed a hold of it because I wanted it to be my story. And girl, God pursued me on behalf of Niyi.


He wooed me on his behalf.


And this man whom I thought was just as “un-cool” as I was, and maybe there was no spark, has turned out to be the very man who has sparked up my life. in the most un-cool way. 


The man that is content with sitting with me on our tiny sofa for movie nights, eating nuts and drinking ice-tea. And yea, that is boring isn’t it?


But those boring moments, the un-cool dos’, and the late-night chuckle-runs to get ice cream and loud laughs because you both forget to bring cash along, and one has to be held as collateral? Those are the real-deal days of connecting hearts and the mingling of souls.


Girl, you don’t need to “put yourself out there”, you just need to hide yourself in the word, and the word in your heart and whatever you’re seeking will find you.